The Moment

Silence Broken

There was a time in my life when I wrote daily. I would write about any and everything: poems, essays, randomness, short stores of fiction and non-fiction alike. Simply put, I wrote what I was led to write. It was effortless and highly gratifying. It was one of the only things that could calm my spirit. Writing became such a part of my life that it truly defined who and what I was. I would write and type words that would literally bleed out from my heart. It was amazing, until the unthinkable happened – a trigger of some sort – a trigger that put a stop to the words.

It seems like ages since then and I can’t really put my finger on what served as the trigger that silenced my voice, but what I do remember is drowning. While in the mist of sinking fast, I realized that I was losing my companion, the words that I loved so much. They began to disappear from my consciousness and my companion was slowly replaced with pain. At that time the words just stopped and I ended up cursing the pen (and keyboard for that matter). I vowed that I would never write another word again – ever – and I didn’t.

It wasn’t until I experienced a revelation. This revelation painted a vivid picture of what happened – War. The war had broken out in my life and I was attacked. I became a POW, literally – and my punishment was silence. The pain that drowned out my words eventually traveled throughout my being. The pain captured all of the gifts that was given to me. The very gifts that I’d cherished, an extension of my existence, were all silenced and placed under lock and key.

I had lost a battle that I didn’t even know was taking place. I remained shackled and tormented for years and sadly I had no clue that I had an out. I truly believed that it was my fate to be left in darkness and to experience pain on every level that one could imagine. I had no idea that there was an escape plan available. An escape that delivered the promise freedom. I had no idea that I could be rescued, but one night I was….

I remember it clearly…..It was a couple of weeks before Easter 2008. I remember experiencing a horrible pain. A hollow feeling; I believed I had absolutely nothing left. I was empty and alone. I had no more strength and there was nothing to hold on to. There was nothing that gave the appearance of comfort. I felt weakness overtake my body and my mind could not conjure up a single thought…..I fell to the floor and cried out… until I couldn’t anymore. That cry came from a place that I didn’t know existed, a very deep place within. When they crying stopped, I just laid there. I can’t recall how long I laid on that floor, but I just stayed there – still - until it helped me up and led me to the escape. It saved my life and oh how thankful I am for that moment! The truth is that if we trust and believe - It heals and restores us. It creates in us a new.

While I would like to say that I’ve lived happily ever after ever since, I can’t even pretend that I have. Honestly, it’s been a harder battle ever since. The pain has been replaced with joy, but the battles come daily. Some battles have been easy and others extremely hard. I’ve won some and I’ve lost some, however the most important is that we learn from those losses and not turn over and die (spiritually).

I’ve shared this story because it’s important to know that It is real and that there is healing and rescue. The pain that led to the silence of my heart is in the past. I know how I got there and I am thankful that I know the truth.